Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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