Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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