i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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