heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
