There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
