I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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