goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
