I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
