I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
