Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
