You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
