I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
