I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
