I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
