Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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