OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
