Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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