i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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