i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
