Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
