shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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