Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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