Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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