This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
