if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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