i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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