Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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