Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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