Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
