Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
