Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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