batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
