Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize