I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
