wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
