bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
