I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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