One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
