the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
