Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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