My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
