Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh god the rape fog is back!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
