i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
smell my finger.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
