i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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