why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
