My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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