New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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