I'm going to rape someone's good day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
