I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
