Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
