We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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