I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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