Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
this is an emotional support booty call
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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