DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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