drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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