Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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