I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
