I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
