4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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