so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
