my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
