jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
