the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
