WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I didn't notice because vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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