im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
