she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
