there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
