What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
