i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
