Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
