Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
