i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We're too hungover to prance.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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