he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
